24. Christmas at the nursing home

When I saw the invitation at the nursing home that we could join our relatives I thought that was a great idea. A break from doing all the work! I had already determined that I wasn't bringing Mum home for the day because I thought it all too much effort for her as well as me and besides I may not have been able to get her back!. There was an international student lunch for the students learning English that Bob could go to and Don had the choice of going to whichever he wanted. Well he came with me which was nice because he is Mums blue eyed boy! Well the staff had the lunch set out beautifully, we were the only relatives actually having lunch but there were other relatives visiting and a large family celebration in the other dining room so it was all very nice. I don't think any of the residents would have felt that they missed out so a big thank you to all the staff on duty. They did a great job

Mum enjoyed Fionas visit just before Christmas 

23. Centrelink

Well Mum has had nothing to do with Centrelink all the time she's been in Australia. I'm afraid I have. I helped one son fill out the forms when he was sick and totally unable to do it himself. Then when I was told I could get a carers allowance that wasn't means tested I made an application and duly got a Centrelink number and $110 a fortnight carers allowance so when I was told that nursing home fees were set by Centrelink I did not take much notice. I knew Mum would be paying the maximum daily rate, she was on a good pension. I had paid the ingoing into Braemar so when I got a letter from Centrelink I just ignored it as I had been advised,but eventually I got my first bill from the nursing home and nearly had a heart attack! So I decided I had better fill in the form, pages of it, 32 to be exact.When she sold her house, price, all her investments etc and of course that was over a month ago and still no acknowledgement. I have since found out there was an error on the bill, thank goodness and I have done some more research and the means tested amount that can be deducted can not be more than $50,000. Mum is the only non pensioner in the nursing home so I'm told, so the moral of this story is that you should make sure you are at least on a part pension before you have to go into a nursing home, spend your money,lots of travelling! And give it away! I am not sure that my husband will agree!

22. Have we turned the corner?

Going in to visit Mum I was greeted by the lovely Helen."Can we have a chat?" she said."Olwen has been much better but I have been keeping her in her room and she has been much more settled" I replied that I had already worked out that taking her out was not helping her. So it was good to have that guidance that even taking her to another sitting area was not advised.

I then went to see her in her room and was greeted with the statement "I have decided to go into the nursing home in Old Town Lane" (the street she had bought a flat in thirty years ago.) "Did I remember it?" Well I didn't. "I know quite a few people there and I think I will settle quite well"As Helen said "well we can be the nursing home in Old Town Lane!." Then there followed a conversation about how she could go to Bowers for her provisions"Yes" I said " Their nice flap jacks and Pork Pies!" Even I remember those. She did admit that Mr Bower would be getting on abit now! Then she remembered the butcher "Nice lamb chops and sausages!"

It was Tuesday and then we had a visit from Paul the chaplain. She did not remember meeting him before but asked if he was a resident here which he took in good part. "No but it sometimes feels like it! " he said but the next thing she said was " She was going to put her daughters name down to come in" so we had another laugh. I only hope this all continues! But I am sure no risperidone is also helping!

21 Dealing with dementia

On my visit today I was greeted with"I have decided I am not staying here"well that was nothing new. "Why was that?" I asked, so then she launches into a horrific story as to what had happened last night."Well you must have been dreaming and had a nightmare" I said but that was fiercely denied. You know it could not possibly be true yet it sets up a niggle that perhaps 1% of it might have happened because they are still very sensitive to carers body language and attitude. After asking the carers what had happened it emerged that they had caught her trying to get out again so today she was back on Risperidone. "Another place won't be any better" I said
She then said two things that undoubtedly were true for her ? "It's frightening!"and "It's horrible!"

Dementia is truly a dreadful condition and she certainly suffered from it while she was with us. Men getting into her bed, children looking in the window,an old lady sitting in the corner and I found the crazy conversations very waring. We feel sad that things are not happier and you wonder if you should have persevered abit longer.

20.Wednesday outing! Maybe the last!

Yesterday I had been updated re a change of medication, a month off Risperidone and I feel happy with that.So I fronted up today to see if she wanted to go out.

As usual she was game so we started off at the Golden gate for Sweet and Sour Fish. She found the carrots a bit al dente but had eaten everything else but she wanted a refund! I was then going to take her down to the river for an ice cream but she wanted to go to Garden city Miss Maud's and evidently wanted a second lunch but I just ordered coffee and cake. She really wanted sandwiches which I eventually worked out so I got some to take home but she was grumpy. " Well that was not much of a party" "You did not do the right thing" it is very hard to work out what she wants so I said "Oh well I did my best!" Getting back to Braemar she said she was not going to David Jones again, of course we had not been there but I was left with the impression that she had not enjoyed it much. Anyway it's probably too much for her,and it really is not worth me making the effort. I came home and told Bob it was the last time I was taking her out . Anyway now have a good excuse it is getting too hot to go out as the weather is warming up

19. Norman, Josephine and Whatshername!

Mum in a pleasant positive mood today !" How's Norman she asked? " Ï don't know anybody called Norman" , Did she mean Bob? " And how's Josephine?"even more obscure and then she resorted to Whatshername? Robyn maybe. Made a cup of tea and the conversation continued along these lines but left feeling more positive.

However the next day when we were at bridge she escaped. Down to the highway and across it with her frame apparently holding up traffic! Oh Dear. Sure they will not want to run the risk of this happening again so guess that next week they will be moving her to the lockable unit.

When we visited today she told us along story that they had been held hostage and in order to escape she had had to hand over her ring. We think that was because they had kept her the rest of the day in the locked unit. Its a sad scenario but there are are some funny bits but have every sympathy that it is not funny for her and we all wished she had been spared ending up in this situation

18. Six weeks on

The first two weeks are the worst I was told, but I can tell you that is not true. Six weeks on and Mum has been truly dreadful. It began on Sunday when I got a call at two in the afternoon that they couldn't settle her. She was being disruptive, going into other peoples rooms and was wanting to go ! I said I was coming in anyway so went abit earlier and sat with her for three hours when she never stopped talking once mostly rubbish going back to Hailsham Road her childhood home in Liverpool which she wanted to sell , followed by all her real estate philosophy as to how it was better to let the place go cheap to get rid of it.I sat there and made few comments.I did say to the nurse on duty that I wondered if the medication they were giving her was hyping her up as she never paused for breath.

Monday I did not go but got a call from the lovely Mark. "This is not an urgent phone call"he said but I was pretty sure that it was to say she would be better downstairs in the dementia unit. Tuesday (today) I went in taking some nice afternoon tea and found her sitting asleep in the corner sitting area. I did not wake her but when she did awake we went and had our cup of tea. From then onwards she put on an Oscar winning performance about not staying and how I had turned against her etc which of course I took no notice of. "She only wanted a quiet life "she said "Well you can have that here"I said but of course it did not placate her, infact anything I said produced more and more fury and tears so that in the end I felt she was just doing it all because she had an audience Me! So I said "I seemed to be upsetting her so I would go and hope she was more cheerful the next time I came"

Bob is investigating a cruise holiday out of Fremantle and I must say I feel it may be a good thing, perhaps she will settle down but I could do with a psychologist to tell me how to handle these difficult behaviours. No it is not pleasant to see her upset like this ,but it is really of her own making.