14. The Escape

On Tuesday Mum appeared very unwell. She lost her teeth overnight which did not help but she spent 90% of the day asleep in the chair looking like she was dead. And the rest of the time was having imaginary conversations with people. We got her to bed , she is not really managing to get to bed herself now which she used to do and neither of us would not have been surprised if she was not with us in the morning and that would have been o.k. Save her and us of going through the nursing home trauma. However her shower lady arrived and got her up and showered but I decided she was not well enough to go out and I had a sitter booked for lunch. I went out and when I came back with a new D.v.d to catch up on we sat in the lounge, her sitting in her chair by the window. Anyway after about an hour she got up and said she would be going and that it had been nice meeting me. So had abit of a giggle at that but assumed she would be going to her room . After about twenty minutes I thought I would go and get the mail to see our neighbour . "Have you seen Mike " she said."no" "well he's just seen your mother walking up the drive" So we followed to find Mike trying to direct her home. She had nearly reached the highway. We turned her around and told her there were no shops nearby. "You know You are awfully like my daughter" she said to me at which Kathy and Mike cracked up laughing All this l happened after I had remarked to Bob that at least we wouldn't have a wandering problem as she was not as mobile as his mother had been.

13. The nursing home conversation.part two.

Well we had a fantastic holiday in Italy although have to say the food did not agree with me. I had two vomiting attacks after scheduled meals, too fatty for me I think. Luckily was not incapacitated and able to do a full days sight seeing the next day.The cooked breakfasts probably not the best for me either. Loved the Bruschetta though and that is what I always ordered. We walked a lot and our knees and hips ached. My shooting stick plus seat was very useful especially on steps but we are certainly conscious that cruise holidays are looming closer! Again could have travelled even lighter, that would have been an advantage.

Now we have been home two months.We have noticed deterioration in Mums condition. She is now incontinent and has difficulty dressing and undressing and her conversations are more shall we say unusual. Bob has loads more patience with her than me I have to say . She usually can not understand what I say and shouting is very tiring for me and not very productive either.

But what causes me the most stress is a broken night and that occurred this week with her coming down the corridor at 3 saying "Am I too early?" in her Belvadere voice. It makes me so angry and then I have no hope of getting back to sleep and am a grumpy wreck the next day! No good complaining to her because she swears black and blue that she didn't do it. So I just suffer stress plus plus. Both Bob and I feel it is time for the nursing home conversation. What I would like to happen is for Mum to say" I am getting too much for you and I should go to Berrington permanently." Can not blame her for not saying this as she had no insight whatsoever.

Luckily today a review visit was scheduled from her home care package and have now got extra hours scheduled, only three extra hours but now she will be showered and dressed six days a week and I will just bring it up at every opportunity that I am getting very tired and need more help. Again it reinforces to me to never do this to your children and I am quite adamant that I won't!