After the disastrous no look at Berrington I decided to drop the respite issue when we go away in May, until after Christmas but one Monday afternoon she brought it up saying she was going to write to David to ask him to book her into a nursing home. Of course I couldn't just let that pass so I said" There are plenty of good nursing homes here" to which I got the usual tirade "I am not going into a nursing home" Followed by my retort "Well you will have to when we go away" These conversations are usually followed by a period of misery and sulking but next morning we start afresh and it is forgotten.
Confrontations over most things ceased for awhile. Preoccupation with Christmas , difficulties getting her cards done ,telling me not to interfere were resolved by Bob helping her very patiently .Then we had the visit of the boys and Fiona which diluted conflicts. I was too busy doing meals etc to rise to any baits. It was a very enjoyable visit and I am sure she very much enjoyed seeing her great grandsons now 15 ,13 and 11 and her eldest grandchild Fiona. She was adamant she wanted to give them all Christmas gifts and I duly organised that for her.
After they went she started wanting to give me my cheque. She has been in control of her finances since my father died and very well she has done it too. So now she wants to give me my monthly cheque towards her food accommodation and care. I don't need a cheque because I do it on the Internet anyway. However I let her go through the motions so she still feels in control. So again in the car she says she will give me my cheque so I reply "It goes towards your food" to which she says "All you get is a dollop of potato or a plate of spaghetti!" true that is what we had had left over from our visitors the previous night. "Well the meals would be much better in Berrington" I said. "I'm not going there it's a prison where they put murderers" Oh dear. "We'll you will have to go somewhere when we go away" "Well I think they want me to look after the house" "I don't think so " "Oh yes That is what the other girl said, You know the other girl " that can only be me in her mind but then she adds " The fat girl!" Oh dear. I'm not thin and clock in at 72 kgms, but not fat either.
I have decided that after Christmas I am going to say " Well on April 22nd you are going into respite for five weeks. You can come and look at the places first or you can trust me to choose the nicest place for you, or you can remain angry and uncompliant for the next three months making me angry and spoiling our relationship and having a miserable time. You are now 101 and I have looked after you for two years and I need a holiday.
