July 21 st was the date of our 50 year reunion in Edinburgh. I had always intended to go. Of course Mum was not all that great. The week before I went I noted that she was not dealing with her food all that well. Of course I was aware she could not see very well what was on her plate, so I suggested to the nursing team that I thought it was time to go on less solid food. And when I was there I started feeding her. I told the nursing staff I was going away shortly and also that if she deteriorated I wasn't coming back. Sounds callous but she was very up and down looking awful one day and then bouncing back. Anyway the Sunday before I was going I told her I was going away. "Oh dear " she said " how am I going to get through that" "you will be fine" I said" there are lovely girls to look after you here"." I know " she said " I will go and stay with Mother or David" I kissed her good bye and left.
Don was geared to visit her so off we went. About a week into the trip we got the message that she wasn't eating or drinking much. Well I had made my decision so stuck with it having complete confidence in the staff at Braemar. Don visited of course but reported that for five out of the six times that he visited she was asleep.Anyway sadly on our next to last day we got the message that she had died. Not the way I would have wanted it to happen. Don and Robert did a marvellous job. Of course I had notified the funeral directors that it might happen. Anyway I had to live with the decision I had made. I hope she did not feel that I had abandoned her but the staff at the nursing home said she knew I was just away on holiday and was looking forward to a trip to Garden City on my return. In fact she had not been up to that for some time
One thing we did know she would be happy that death had come at last. Her quality of life was very poor. Perhaps she needed me to be away to tell her that I did not need her anymore. So there we are, the end of an era for me. At the age of 74 I am finally an adult.
