7. The fractured hip

December 2011 had been a good time as David was able to visit for a week, He stayed with me and we kept the programme fairly simple just doing the things that Mum was familiar with, Garden City, lunch at Miss Mauds, Madisons at Claremont and then a Christmas lunch at Matilda Bay. It was a good time. David went on to N.S.W for a conference

March 1st 2012 we celebrated Mum's birthday at The Red Herring and had a nice lunch. Our routine continued lunch and shopping on Wednesday plus a visit on Monday afternoon and Saturday afternoon. She still had a lot of time to put in on her own. Bob had noted that Mum had lost quite a lot of weight and I had noted she wasn't managing the T.V channels all that well so we did feel she was only just coping. At the end of March after a Wednesday visit I got a call from a workman working on the pool next door that he had heard her calling out and she had fallen at the rubbish bin. The fractured hip had happened.

Of course hospital emergency room and then operation although that didn't happen until Saturday morning so the two days waiting for it were fairly unpleasant for all. She had been seen by a geriatrician. Never having been a compliant patient this did not change and she could be very resistant to people doing things to her so on the day of the op I was called to theatre to sit with her until she went under and again until she came around.I told the anaesthetist that it was along time since I had been in theatre. "Were thay using ether then?" he joked.

After two days she was transferred to Kaleeya where she managed to stay for about a week demanding at the top of her voice, there were difficulties with her hearing aid, to go home.It was very trying for all especially the people who shared the four bed room with her. While this was going on we had a visit from John and Maggie Breese her brother's son and his wife who made a big effort to visit her and were amazed at how well she was doing.

Well she was eventually discharged home to our care with a good programme in place to help with transition. Hospital in the home it was called and was very good. So she made progress. Just as she was at the eight week mark she fell in the bedroom and broke the other hip so we had to go through it all again. She was markedly disorientated in hospital trying to climb out of bed so they sedated her resulting in her sleeping the whole of one day. She was demanding to come home. "How far does she have to be able to walk?" the charge nurse asked ."Well at least as far as the toilet"I replied. "We will do a test" they said "Is that far enough?" "yes" I replied . So her discharge was arranged within two hours, admittedly with good help with showers and physio at home.

Having broken her second hip I did not feel there was any possibility of her managing on her own and she realised her house had be sold and this we accomplished fairly quickly. Mostly she was very little trouble but she did have the occasional hissy fit that I became more adept at managing. I just did not listen to her euthanasia rantings and I stopped showing her her bank accounts as she was not understanding them.

Holidays for me are of course essential. The first we booked in October 2012, a visit to Brisbane to view the Masterpieces from The Prado exhibition followed by the bridge week at Noosa which was great fun. I also did a lovely trip to Edmundi and The Glass house Mountains and Montville. Home Instead did a holiday roster 24hrs 7 days a week . The total cost of care for Mum was $8500 which of course she could afford . "It was hell" says Olwen on my return and didn't speak to me all day on my first day back, sitting and sulking all day. I did hope on the next holiday she would accept residential care, she didn't, but thanks to Don holding the fort at night it was abit cheaper so five weeks after her hundredth birthday we had a ten day holiday in Japan. Not covering night duty made it a lot cheaper but Don found it quite demanding

6. The good years, trips to U.k

After the 1980 trip I felt there were things I hadn't managed to do like getting to Lands End so in 1983 I set out again with Ian and Robert and Mum. Also I needed the break from the situation with Bob's mother.At that stage Mum thought that the solution to her problems was a second marriage encouraged by her brother who had had good luck with a dating agency and married for the second time after he was widowed. She had made this male acquaintance at Exmouth so we had to look him up. Anyway I wanted to make Lands End so after arriving at Heathrow we set off Salisbury Broadlands, Exeter , Exmouth,were we sadly found the gentleman concerned was deceased!

On to Penzance were Ian made the comment as to why did everyone walk round with their hands in their pockets. "Its because it's cold" I replied. Mum was not easy wanting to stay in her beloved Trust houses, expensive, whereas I had to watch my budget. We had a Devonshire cream tea in Clovelly where Ian lost his pocket money, then visited Alan's granny getting caught behind a herd of cows which we all thought was very funny. Then Uncle David and Doreen at Craven Arms, nr Shrewsbury. Doreen baked the most fantastic gooseberry pie and David was very generous to Robert and Ian which made up for the loss at Clovelly.

The trip in North Wales was marked by Robert calling Nana an old bag! I guess he was finding her abit of a trial. We had lunch with Aunty Rhoda on the prom at Rhos nr Colwyn Bay then Liverpool and Ilkley and I guess that was it. Mum may have gone on to Oakham.

1988 I embarked on my first solo visit to U.K? I guess the family were more independent but I would have left someone in charge of domestic arrangements at home for meals etc. Bob was still in a very busy job. The purpose of the visit was to attend M.T.G.S centenary celebration and it also coincided with George and Rhians 40th wedding anniversary. I had been a bridesmaid at their wedding,and I was also going to visit David and Lindsay in Oakham just for a day, from Sheffield.

Anyway I really enjoyed it, discovering that there were advantages travelling on your own. You could do what you wanted. I even went to a London show on my own Cats and sat next to a Canadian guy. I stayed in the Regent Palace Hotel, a budget hotel but so convenient, situated just off Picadilly Circus, beautiful Art Deco decoration but old and rickety lifts and no en suite bathrooms which in those days didn't bother me at all as I did not have to get up at night to use the bathroom. It remained a favourite of mine because it was such good value and was in such a convenient position.

I had a Britrail pass again something that has remained a favourite because again it was such good value. Reading my diary and looking at my scrapbook I am amazed at what I managed to fit in. Meeting up with Mimi and Margaret Pottinger in London, Rail to Edinburgh staying with Lucille and Donald , York, Viking exhibition, Ilkley, Sheffield, Dinner at The Peacock for George and Rhian's anniversary ,Oakham, a nice meet up with David not discussing difficulties with mother, then car hire , Sandringham, Wales Vera, Devils Bridge, Southport, meeting Sheila and Alison again, a great school reunion and Lake district Lorna . It was truly amazing finishing at Manchester for the plane home.

I think my next trip was in 1991. Bob had been funded to go to an amputee conference in Dundee so first we decided to do a Western Isles cruise to my beloved Skye. Don had been in Japan and met us in Glasgow, that is all really part of another story but he joined us although couldn't come on the cruise, he climbed Ben Nevis instead! At the end of that trip I picked up Mum in Cambridge, she must have stayed with David and we travelled to Wales to see her sister at Machynlleth. She always liked to stay at The Wynstay in the main street and always booked dinner bed and breakfast and always paid for us to have single rooms which meant I could stay up late watching T.V and reading.

We took Vera and Idris to Aberystwyth , visited Llandre and the lovely old church yard with the celtic crosses. Mum liked to have her coffee and lunch at nice restaurants whereas Vera and Idris were happy with the station café! They were a lot like Hyacinth and her sister and husband, a programme that we all loved.

Next to the hotel was the lovely china shop run by the bachelor Welshman, Mum flirted outrageously with him. He did have the most beautiful stock of china but had no idea how to display it and it was all wrapped in newspaper half in and half out of its boxes. She did buy there the Herand ducks which I love. We visited that shop on every visit to Machynnlleth. I also liked the second hand book shop, and Ann's fashion shop which sold nice jumpers etc and of course I've still got them

The Coffee shop at the Woollen Mill 

One day we motored to Bala to meet up with Maimie and Harold. Maimie was Mum's cousin and a good friend to us all. I loved her dearly , she was younger than Mum by about ten years and always understood how difficult Mum could be? Then a visit to Welshpool to meet up with David and Annette finishing with afternoon tea at the Welsh wool shop at Dinas Mawddwy. The next day we did Newtown and Powys Castle which Idris had never been into despite living so near.


Another day we explored Corris now home of a craft centre but the place where Mum had spent her childhood holidays with her cousins Hollis and Irene. A more bleak place you could not find. It was situated in a valley between slate coloured hills which had been partly mined with piles of tailings everywhere and it was usually raining. When in Corris I was usually entertained with the story of when Mum and Irene let the pig out of its stye when they were little girls on their annual summer holiday. Of course the pig took off through the village having a grand time!

These holidays in mid Wales were very enjoyable , the country side is beautiful and they would be the best of times I spent with my mother. All the places we visited I love, the lovely views of Cader Idris, from various angles, perhaps because they bring back memories of my childhood. Mid Wales is very under rated

In 1993 Fiona had been working in Vienna so mum and I did a trip to Wales ending up in Cambridge for Mum to stay with David while I had a four day trip to Vienna to see Fiona who then came back with me and we did a little east coast tour Ely, Boston,Lincoln, Burghley, Southwold. Mum abit difficult on this trip ,no trust houses to stay and I know I spent one night sharing a room with Hans who had joined us and Fiona. However we did have a lovely family meal at The Crown Hotel Southwold, Mum was always generous in her entertaining. We then went to London and Fiona and Hans left us and we followed a couple of days later.I had a couple of nights in London, not one of Mums favourite places but I remember it as a nice trip. On each trip I tried to do something new and on my list, that time it was the Victorian and Albert. Mum had no interest whatsoever sitting in the coffee shop. How different it would have been with Dad.


The next trip was 1995 for an Edinburgh reunion. Ian accompanied us on this trip. Our first stop was Oxford  Blenheim then Warwick castle, Penrith, Gretna Green , Oban, Perth, Edinburgh Peebles and then I think Mum saw David and family while Ian and I had four nights in Paris while Mum saw the family in Cambridge.

Next we did a trip back for Vera's 90th birthday, only a two week one this time. I did not have a lot of time to spare, Vera Mum's sister was bedridden by then with carers coming in three times a day. We thought they were lovely girls and that Vera and Idris looked better than they ever had been, foodwise and Idris even had some new clothes and their house was much cleaner. However when Vera died a couple of years later it materialised that they had been milking their accounts. It was a happy visit although Vera was mostly away with the fairies telling us she had been out with mother having a picnic on the prom at Aberystwyth.

Our next trip did not involve Wales. Mum was 94 truly remarkable to undertake such a long trip at this age but she coped well. Anna and her partner Simon had had a little boy Finlay George so Mum was introduced to her fourth great grandchild. Lindsay and David entertained us at Southwold and found lovely accommodation for us near them at a local pub. As usual we had some nice meals and David took us on a lovely tour of old Suffolk churches which were remarkable. Then we went up to Liverpool to see Maimie who was not at all well at this stage mainly heart and kidney failure. However we had a nice meal with her at Millcroft road and then took her out for a meal at our hotel Speke Marriot after I had taken her a drive to Ottespool Prom. I had just time to send her the photos we had taken before she died a week or two after we got home

5 Friends or Family

Well by the time the flat in Old Town Lane was settled, Mum soon found it pretty lonely. David was a long way from there in Oakham, Leicestershire and no doubt had his own problems so after a lonely Christmas with a bed chair and T.V, she decided to come back to Australia but of course she had sold the house round the corner from us hadn't she? Pickfords (the removalists) said "Don't worry we will just do a turnaround,"so back she came. This may have been the time that David wrote saying, " Mother can not spend the rest of her life in a jumbo jet!" Bob thought it a pity that it did not take six weeks like in colonial times to get from U.K  to Australia. "The first settlers couldn't decide they didn't like it "he said. We were all losing patience. Bob wrote that she ought to give it abit longer which did not please her and she took no notice anyway.

I think she was able to house sit a friends place while she was away in Canada and then we found a place to rent in Farrin Street nearby. Of course with all the stress she was putting herself through her Menieres Disaese came with avengence; I would get calls from Myers to come and pick her up.

Anyway she did find a townhouse that she liked and bought this . It was in a group of five and served her well until she could not live on her own any more at the age of 99.

Those years 1980 to 1985 were not particularly easy for me in many ways. On our return from the 1980 trip Bob decided it was time for his mother to move in with us. She was 80 and had had symptons of Alzheimers Disaese since the year when Ian was born in 1975. She had soldiered on in her Broome Street home and it was certainly time for a move, not one that she wanted to make.

So it happened ,we jogged her along saying just stay a weekend ,then a couple of weeks but then took the bull by the horns and moved her furniture into the granny flat that had been purpose built for her. She had a proper kitchen and at first was able to make a cup of tea and we had Meals on Wheels delivered but she did not really grasp the concept that it was an independent unit and really had all her meals with us ,effectively living with us. There were good days and bad days. She was fixated on Bob, asking me a million times a day when he would be home and then of course settled down like a little lamb. It was hard on me and I did get quite depressed.

We had her medically assessed and one drongo doctor said it was just benign forgetfulness. Holidays were difficult . I felt we needed some family time together. Bob had denial in spades. She was at her best with him and could make very pertinent comments. She regularly set off to go home with Pepe the dachshund under her arm . Don would follow after a short interval and guide her round the block and she would recognise home although it was not the home she was hoping to reach. We did get her assessed and we were told that there was a purpose built facility being built so we decided to wait for that.

Bob would take her to watch Fiona's netball but she would not wait in the car if he was too long deciding to walk home. When one morning we got up to find the front door open and her gone we realised we could not cope any longer so she was admitted to the purpose built facility.

Of course like all the others she was intent on getting out but didn't manage because they sedated her with the nasty drug Melleril . "I'm afraid we can't cope" they said. Anyway the problem was solved when she fell and broke her hip and so wasn't mobile any more. She was first transferred to a revolting nursing home but when a vacancy became available at Braemar she was transferred there and had a peaceful couple of years before she died aged 87.

4.Selling up Again

Well after a lot of correspondence back and forth Mum decided she wanted to go back to England where all her friends where. I know Uncle David advised her against selling her house.
About this time the incident with the wall occurred. Mum had built a nice wall between the back and front garden with an arch and nice gate.

The People who owned the plot 12 Warragoon Crescent had put it on the market. He had had a stroke and they wanted to sell the block. After having it surveyed they found that Mum had encroached on their block when building her nice feature wall between the front and back garden and she would have to knock down the wall. Well instead of asking nicely they were very aggressive aided by the real estate agent. The wife of the couple came round to me very abusive saying that all I would be interested in was collecting life insurance if anything happened to Ian.To make it worse they were members of Bicton church. Bruce Fraser did eventually get her to apologise but It was something we did not need. Olwen did not need much to make her decide not to stay in Australia and return to England yet again!

We eventually moved on getting the wall rebuilt on the correct boundary but it is ironic that in fact Ian did die un expectedly when he was 35. Did she have the gift of seeing the future that in fact Ian was going to die and the family did benefit from a life insurance policy but of course it was not all we were interested in. It was very upsetting at the time and a very nasty thing to say.

Anyway Mum sold up anyway to return to England yet again.There was nothing I could do to stop her. It was then I discovered that one of her manipulative ploys was saying that someone had told her that is what she ought to do, someone whose opinion she thought I would value. Usually they had not said anything of the sort. In this case she said her brother David thought she ought to go back to England. He did not. So off she went back to England again, selling the house to the first offer she got .Anyway off she set getting lodging with a lady called Bertha in Freshfield road and bought a flat in Old Town Lane. Her furniture was on its way she had a bed a chair and a T.V. and this is how she spent Christmas.

1980 was the year of our 15 year reunion and I was very keen to go. Bob had established his orthopaedic practice which was going quite well but he needed someone to hold it together. Our friends had done a practice exchange in Canada which seemed to work quite well so we attempted to do it too and we made contact with an orthopaedic surgeon from Scarborough. We gave him accommodation in our granny flat but first he blotted his copy book by making a pass at our friends wife which did not go down well and then he got gastroenteritis but also we realised he was an alcoholic.

So we had to hastily despatch him back to England and Bob had to make arrangements for his patients, if they had any problems to go back to their general practioners as he was not in a group of surgeons and did not have a partner.Anyway we managed to accomplish all that and in September got on a plane to Athens for a stop over on the way to England.

We had a couple of nights in Athens climbing up to the Parthenon on a boiling hot day and then embarked on a four day coach tour of classical Greece. Well the children were VERY good despite Don dropping his camera into the Corinth Springs and nearly getting on the wrong tour bus. Ian nearly drowned in the hotel pool at Nafplion and also left his beloved bag of cars on the ferry over at Pattraikos. Bob and I took it in turns to visit the points of interest and I certainly remember it as being fun but then I am prepared to put up with little setbacks in the pursuit of travel!

We had been told by our travel agents that it was easy to get a cheap flight to London from Athens. Well it wasn't! However Bob managed it I,m not quite sure how and I can't remember which airline it was, but I do know the plane felt very old and was on its way to London from Africa and most of the occupants were black. There were no seats together and we were scattered throughout the plane. I thought our end had come. It has to go down as my worse travel experiences and Bob was not too popular! Our children aged from 5 to 12 all coped admirably.

However we made it to London safely and picked up our camper van at Heathrow and set off, first stop Cambridge where we awoke to the early morning bird song. Then on to Sherwood Forest before visiting George and Rhiannon and quite a few of their grandchildren and then up to Edinburgh. Although the reunion was my main reason for going I do not remember much about it other than we camped in Lucilles drive and visited Rab Milnes lovely house and garden nearby. I was very anxious to show off my Aussie husband and children.

I think Amanda, Bob's niece joined us in Edinburgh, seven in a camper van was abit of a squash.Then it was off to Fort William where it absolutely poured, after all it does have the highest rainfall in U.K. We actually camped in mud but then we set off for my beloved Skye and had a magical view of the Cuillins as the sun came out. Then down to the Lake District and then to a caravan park at Formby point,very windy I remember . On our visit to Pleasureland at Southport Don ran off to play the machines with Ian following, only problem was Don did not know that Ian was following with the result that Ian got lost and ended in the lost property office like Paddington bear!

At Formby we must have picked up Mum to go to Wales so now we were eight. First night was Conway. Mum checked into the local trust house and we camped.Then on to Festiniog for a train ride which Mum did not want to do. (she'd done it all before)! Anyway at Aberystwyth I think we parted company with Amanda and Mum who stayed at Machynlleth to see Vera. We then went on to Dover, a hovercraft ride to France and then Winchester where we had a nice swim in the local pool and lost Bob in the Cathedral. Then we visited Doug and Libby at Dorset and found them in the midst of all sorts of family problems as well. That is what you realise as you get older problems of one kind or another are universal.

Well as you would have realised we had fitted a huge amount in so we were ready to get home but not before we had camped at a wild life park at Windsor where monkeys climbed all over the van. Was it worth it? I will never know! It was for me, to introduce my family to my beloved England. I wonder how much they have remembered and if they thought it was worth it.