26 Good days and Bad Days

Well today was a good day something I am always grateful for. When I arrived there was a carer there as she had got up to walk. She has a sensor on her chair which detects when she is on the move, very effective and it beeps madly so the carer was there. She is a very big falls risk! "she is just going to see her mother " the carer announced. Anyway we persuaded her to sit down and I said I was going to make a cup of tea so that occupied us for a while. She talked the whole time rambles really from the past. talks about the girl ?me and it's rather unusual being talked about in the third person but then drops in something from fifty years ago, the lady with the corgi that lives by the cricket path but today talked about the young twenty seven year old who was ill ?Ian but then she started saying she felt abandoned by her Mother Vera her friends Bobbie Belle etc. Of course they are now all deceased. The nurse manager told me not to say her mother was now dead indeed had been for thirty plus years , but to divert the conversation and reminisce about what a lovely lady she had been etc but I guess that is how you do feel when all your contempories have passed on and you are the only one left.

25 The Money Issue

At last I got a reply from Centrelink.Her Means Tested Care Fee on top of the Basic Rate of $47.15 a day is $114.09 a day. Why on earth don't they say $114.10 or $114.based on a fortnightly income of $2900.85. Well where they got that figure from I don't know. According to my calculations her fortnightly income is $1700. Granted,that before we paid the ingoing she was getting interest on that which of course is now going to Braemar so I reckon that is a gross overstatement. Had a chat to one of the administrators and have an appointment in a day or two and I acknowledge that they can not take out more than $25,000 per annum and no more than $50,000 per lifetime which I can cover although she also has a big tax bill to pay in March for tax owing in 2013 to 2014. Admittedly it all gets reconciled in the end and with luck the next year she will get a refund but the government does not make it easy.

Anyway it was like a red rag to a bull when that day Mum starts going on about the fact that I am keeping her short of money and insinuating that I was spending it on myself when she needed a new dress and new shoes. I bought her some new clothes for Christmas including a new pair of sandals. She has got one note and some small change in her purse . Notes she drops all over the place as she tries to count them up and change she offers inappropriately to the carers to let her out.

Money is an issue in dementia. She looked after her finances well until she was 99. She just about got the Power of Attorney in place before she lost it and wants to pay her own way as she has been used to all her life. I heard another resident say he wanted to pay the bill in the nursing home to be reassured by his daughter (its usually daughters ) that it was paid for. Anyway I did not have to visit today always a bonus day and its horrible to feel that but I do!

24. Christmas at the nursing home

When I saw the invitation at the nursing home that we could join our relatives I thought that was a great idea. A break from doing all the work! I had already determined that I wasn't bringing Mum home for the day because I thought it all too much effort for her as well as me and besides I may not have been able to get her back!. There was an international student lunch for the students learning English that Bob could go to and Don had the choice of going to whichever he wanted. Well he came with me which was nice because he is Mums blue eyed boy! Well the staff had the lunch set out beautifully, we were the only relatives actually having lunch but there were other relatives visiting and a large family celebration in the other dining room so it was all very nice. I don't think any of the residents would have felt that they missed out so a big thank you to all the staff on duty. They did a great job

Mum enjoyed Fionas visit just before Christmas 

23. Centrelink

Well Mum has had nothing to do with Centrelink all the time she's been in Australia. I'm afraid I have. I helped one son fill out the forms when he was sick and totally unable to do it himself. Then when I was told I could get a carers allowance that wasn't means tested I made an application and duly got a Centrelink number and $110 a fortnight carers allowance so when I was told that nursing home fees were set by Centrelink I did not take much notice. I knew Mum would be paying the maximum daily rate, she was on a good pension. I had paid the ingoing into Braemar so when I got a letter from Centrelink I just ignored it as I had been advised,but eventually I got my first bill from the nursing home and nearly had a heart attack! So I decided I had better fill in the form, pages of it, 32 to be exact.When she sold her house, price, all her investments etc and of course that was over a month ago and still no acknowledgement. I have since found out there was an error on the bill, thank goodness and I have done some more research and the means tested amount that can be deducted can not be more than $50,000. Mum is the only non pensioner in the nursing home so I'm told, so the moral of this story is that you should make sure you are at least on a part pension before you have to go into a nursing home, spend your money,lots of travelling! And give it away! I am not sure that my husband will agree!

22. Have we turned the corner?

Going in to visit Mum I was greeted by the lovely Helen."Can we have a chat?" she said."Olwen has been much better but I have been keeping her in her room and she has been much more settled" I replied that I had already worked out that taking her out was not helping her. So it was good to have that guidance that even taking her to another sitting area was not advised.

I then went to see her in her room and was greeted with the statement "I have decided to go into the nursing home in Old Town Lane" (the street she had bought a flat in thirty years ago.) "Did I remember it?" Well I didn't. "I know quite a few people there and I think I will settle quite well"As Helen said "well we can be the nursing home in Old Town Lane!." Then there followed a conversation about how she could go to Bowers for her provisions"Yes" I said " Their nice flap jacks and Pork Pies!" Even I remember those. She did admit that Mr Bower would be getting on abit now! Then she remembered the butcher "Nice lamb chops and sausages!"

It was Tuesday and then we had a visit from Paul the chaplain. She did not remember meeting him before but asked if he was a resident here which he took in good part. "No but it sometimes feels like it! " he said but the next thing she said was " She was going to put her daughters name down to come in" so we had another laugh. I only hope this all continues! But I am sure no risperidone is also helping!

21 Dealing with dementia

On my visit today I was greeted with"I have decided I am not staying here"well that was nothing new. "Why was that?" I asked, so then she launches into a horrific story as to what had happened last night."Well you must have been dreaming and had a nightmare" I said but that was fiercely denied. You know it could not possibly be true yet it sets up a niggle that perhaps 1% of it might have happened because they are still very sensitive to carers body language and attitude. After asking the carers what had happened it emerged that they had caught her trying to get out again so today she was back on Risperidone. "Another place won't be any better" I said
She then said two things that undoubtedly were true for her ? "It's frightening!"and "It's horrible!"

Dementia is truly a dreadful condition and she certainly suffered from it while she was with us. Men getting into her bed, children looking in the window,an old lady sitting in the corner and I found the crazy conversations very waring. We feel sad that things are not happier and you wonder if you should have persevered abit longer.

20.Wednesday outing! Maybe the last!

Yesterday I had been updated re a change of medication, a month off Risperidone and I feel happy with that.So I fronted up today to see if she wanted to go out.

As usual she was game so we started off at the Golden gate for Sweet and Sour Fish. She found the carrots a bit al dente but had eaten everything else but she wanted a refund! I was then going to take her down to the river for an ice cream but she wanted to go to Garden city Miss Maud's and evidently wanted a second lunch but I just ordered coffee and cake. She really wanted sandwiches which I eventually worked out so I got some to take home but she was grumpy. " Well that was not much of a party" "You did not do the right thing" it is very hard to work out what she wants so I said "Oh well I did my best!" Getting back to Braemar she said she was not going to David Jones again, of course we had not been there but I was left with the impression that she had not enjoyed it much. Anyway it's probably too much for her,and it really is not worth me making the effort. I came home and told Bob it was the last time I was taking her out . Anyway now have a good excuse it is getting too hot to go out as the weather is warming up