Good Bye

July 21 st was the date of our 50 year reunion in Edinburgh. I had always intended to go. Of course Mum was not all that great. The week before I went I noted that she was not dealing with her food all that well. Of course I was aware she could not see very well what was on her plate, so I suggested to the nursing team that I thought it was time to go on less solid food. And when I was there I started feeding her. I told the nursing staff I was going away shortly and also that if she deteriorated I wasn't coming back. Sounds callous but she was very up and down looking awful one day and then bouncing back. Anyway the Sunday before I was going I told her I was going away. "Oh dear " she said " how am I going to get through that" "you will be fine" I said" there are lovely girls to look after you here"." I know " she said " I will go and stay with Mother or David" I kissed her good bye and left.

Don was geared to visit her so off we went. About a week into the trip we got the message that she wasn't eating or drinking much. Well I had made my decision so stuck with it having complete confidence in the staff at Braemar. Don visited of course but reported that for five out of the six times that he visited she was asleep.Anyway sadly on our next to last day we got the message that she had died. Not the way I would have wanted it to happen. Don and Robert did a marvellous job. Of course I had notified the funeral directors that it might happen. Anyway I had to live with the decision I had made. I hope she did not feel that I had abandoned her but the staff at the nursing home said she knew I was just away on holiday and was looking forward to a trip to Garden City on my return. In fact she had not been up to that for some time

One thing we did know she would be happy that death had come at last. Her quality of life was very poor. Perhaps she needed me to be away to tell her that I did not need her anymore. So there we are, the end of an era for me. At the age of 74 I am finally an adult.

Touchy Feely I dont think so!

There was an article in the weekend paper about inappropriate touching,  headed by a picture of an American politician with his hands on a female politician's shoulders. She was plainly embarrassed and cringing.

I have observed this in the nursing home too. A male nurse was trying to entice my mother to take some Panadol and came up and embraced her and said he had some Panadol for her! She brushed him off in no uncertain terms! Now my mother has been the most untouchy feely person I have come across. We were not sent off to school with hugs and kisses yet she was not unaffectionate. We knew she would take on the most feral teacher at our schools if she felt we had been dealt with harshly.

Indeed on our trips to England when the social kissing had increased ten fold since we left England she would tell me that "No! She was not going to greet so and so with a kiss!"  She always did of course.

Of course we are products of the times we were brought up in and I think today's nursing home population were not brought up at a time when you kissed and hugged passing acquaintances. I wonder if this is discussed among the carers.

The other thing too that makes me cringe with embarrassment is the way she refers to some of the lovely carers. I hope they can make allowances and it is only me hearing her comments.  She has no tact, comments about  appearances are downright embarrassing.

Roller Coaster Of a Ride

Guess what ? Today I got a letter from the Department of Human Services, not Centre Link That we were due an Eight thousand plus refund and no more means tested daily fee for this quarter. What a nightmare it is for everybody. just when I thought I had it all worked out, it all changes.

Mum been very sleepy the last three times I have visited and definitely not so strong walking which in a way means she is less likely to want to move about on her own but when she does is more likely to have a fall.

102nd Birthday

Sunday March 1st was Mums 102nd birthday. I arranged that we would take in lunch from Kaillis's at Fremantle  with a bottle of champagne as she really is not fit enough now to go out and the temperatures are still quite hot. It was even too hot to set up in one of the nice courtyard areas.

Luckily there was an unoccupied lounge so we set up the table there and Mum only had to walk from the next door lounge. Anyway I served the tropical feast that she always ordered on nice white plates with a glass of bubbly and then followed up with some of their delicious  lemon meringue pie.Lemon Meringue pie was always one of Mums specialities. I have her recipe but it never turns out so well for me.

 I do like the fact that in Braemar you never feel crowded out by other residents and there are always  areas where there is privacy although some of them could do with an upgrade.

For after lunch entertainment we had Andre Rieu in Vienna, could not have asked for anything nicer.

She had some nice cards

Next day when I visited she was talking about withdrawal! Knowing her as well as I did I felt she meant withdrawal from life as she mentioned something along the lines that she couldn't go on just sitting there doing nothing, not going out. Perhaps that was a dig at me for not taking her out but she really is not up to it. Perhaps she meant withdrawal from Braemar and going home, totally unrealistic, or perhaps she wanted to withdraw money from her bank account.

Her language skills are completely deteriorated yet she still uses big words as if she is composing a business letter and they have no meaning in the context she is using them.

26 Good days and Bad Days

Well today was a good day something I am always grateful for. When I arrived there was a carer there as she had got up to walk. She has a sensor on her chair which detects when she is on the move, very effective and it beeps madly so the carer was there. She is a very big falls risk! "she is just going to see her mother " the carer announced. Anyway we persuaded her to sit down and I said I was going to make a cup of tea so that occupied us for a while. She talked the whole time rambles really from the past. talks about the girl ?me and it's rather unusual being talked about in the third person but then drops in something from fifty years ago, the lady with the corgi that lives by the cricket path but today talked about the young twenty seven year old who was ill ?Ian but then she started saying she felt abandoned by her Mother Vera her friends Bobbie Belle etc. Of course they are now all deceased. The nurse manager told me not to say her mother was now dead indeed had been for thirty plus years , but to divert the conversation and reminisce about what a lovely lady she had been etc but I guess that is how you do feel when all your contempories have passed on and you are the only one left.

25 The Money Issue

At last I got a reply from Centrelink.Her Means Tested Care Fee on top of the Basic Rate of $47.15 a day is $114.09 a day. Why on earth don't they say $114.10 or $114.based on a fortnightly income of $2900.85. Well where they got that figure from I don't know. According to my calculations her fortnightly income is $1700. Granted,that before we paid the ingoing she was getting interest on that which of course is now going to Braemar so I reckon that is a gross overstatement. Had a chat to one of the administrators and have an appointment in a day or two and I acknowledge that they can not take out more than $25,000 per annum and no more than $50,000 per lifetime which I can cover although she also has a big tax bill to pay in March for tax owing in 2013 to 2014. Admittedly it all gets reconciled in the end and with luck the next year she will get a refund but the government does not make it easy.

Anyway it was like a red rag to a bull when that day Mum starts going on about the fact that I am keeping her short of money and insinuating that I was spending it on myself when she needed a new dress and new shoes. I bought her some new clothes for Christmas including a new pair of sandals. She has got one note and some small change in her purse . Notes she drops all over the place as she tries to count them up and change she offers inappropriately to the carers to let her out.

Money is an issue in dementia. She looked after her finances well until she was 99. She just about got the Power of Attorney in place before she lost it and wants to pay her own way as she has been used to all her life. I heard another resident say he wanted to pay the bill in the nursing home to be reassured by his daughter (its usually daughters ) that it was paid for. Anyway I did not have to visit today always a bonus day and its horrible to feel that but I do!

24. Christmas at the nursing home

When I saw the invitation at the nursing home that we could join our relatives I thought that was a great idea. A break from doing all the work! I had already determined that I wasn't bringing Mum home for the day because I thought it all too much effort for her as well as me and besides I may not have been able to get her back!. There was an international student lunch for the students learning English that Bob could go to and Don had the choice of going to whichever he wanted. Well he came with me which was nice because he is Mums blue eyed boy! Well the staff had the lunch set out beautifully, we were the only relatives actually having lunch but there were other relatives visiting and a large family celebration in the other dining room so it was all very nice. I don't think any of the residents would have felt that they missed out so a big thank you to all the staff on duty. They did a great job

Mum enjoyed Fionas visit just before Christmas